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So now I’ve lost my voice. No, you’re not allowed to cheer. Thankfully, I’ve almost finished my USP essay.
Last night was a miracle. Now to prepare for a hard, tiring slog… *grin* At least I’m not in law school while attempting to coach the team. Long way to go though…
It’s been an emotional few days. I just want to rest.
I’m so, so tired of all this.
Most have been understanding…
And yet, some who I admire and whose approval I desire, do not understand. They tell me that I’m naive, daft, too idealistic and the works, to throw away an opportunity to study at a good university in the UK. They tell me that I should not throw my life away, striving to work in an NGO. “Why work for something that is ineffective?” they ask…
I’m just tired of having to justify myself before men. If God’s will is for me to go and do all these things, why can’t He come down and talk to all these people for me?
I remember making my History notes last year, and in the column where I was comparing the rise of the leaders in Single-party states, I noted that Stalin’s rise could be attributed to various factors, one important factor being his political savvy-ness.
He was the Party Secretary which meant that he could control the business of the Politburo, drawing up the agendas and controlling what they knew and discussed.
He was also in the Orgburo which meant that he could put supporters in key positions.
Now, they do say scientia potentia est. And as Lord Acton said, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
I’ve spent my Easter in bed, recovering from a 38.7 fever and a sore throat.
My application for NUS has been sent in and now I just have my USP essay to write. It won’t be a difficult task seeing as I’ve written about it on this blog before.
I’m tired.
I’m not going to SOAS after all, and am staying in NUS.
Why? Well, it’s an issue of money. I am not comfortable with spending close to a quarter of a million on an undergrad degree. I know that some will disagree with me and tell me that I’ll get a much better degree at SOAS which specialises in what I want to focus on, Development. Some will also tell me that I should apply for a scholarship then. But the issue is not where the money comes from, but the money itself.
I feel like a hypocrite when I say that I want to work in an NGO to tackle issues such as poverty, development etc, and then go off to the UK to spend so much money on a undergrad degree that I could get in Singapore for a fraction of the price. I don’t feel that spending so much is good stewardship of my money, especially when we realise how little so many others around the world have.
Plus, the money would be better spent (and less of it too) on a postgrad degree overseas, where I can specialise later on. If I went to SOAS, I wouldn’t have the finances to go do a postgrad after that. And it makes more sense to go overseas when I’m more mature.
So I’m staying in Singapore, and Wee Jian has poached me for NUS debate, Liz for VCF and me for USP.
I’m actually looking forward to it.
This week, I’ve learnt that I am impulsive and make decisions without careful thought and reflection. Unfortunately, I’ve learnt the hard way.
But as my Dad says, better that I learn it now than later. But I’m still rather irritated with myself.
The decision is almost reached, still, have Saturday to go.
Honestly, I don’t know why so many people are applying for NUS Law when they have absolutely no inclination towards it. So far, there have been a number of reasons given…
1) It’s an ‘open’ degree. But isn’t a general arts degree more ‘open’? You can choose your major later on what. Sometimes I think that some people are just procrastinating about making a decision about their life…
2) It is a ‘good’ degree. To me, it’s a typical, narrow-minded comment expected of many Singaporeans. No, I’m not saying that Law isn’t ‘good’, but it suggests that the degrees can be quantified. Prestige does not equal to a ‘good’ degree, especially since it may not be good for you.
3) It’s more recognised and you can earn more money from getting a law degree. I think that this is such a fallacious claim, especially since most of those who have no inclination towards law, aren’t intending to go into private practice, which is supposedly where all the money lies.
4) Just put as first choice lah, because if you can get into law, even if you want to get into FASS, you know that you’ll confirm get into FASS. It’s the most kiasu reason I’ve heard so far. It’s like an insurance offer, except that should one be accepted, you’ll be taking someone else’s place, which is immensely unfair considering that you don’t really want to do law anyway. Plus, if the FASS’ cohort is very big, you may not get a place in FASS if you are rejected by Law.
DISCLAIMER: I am not against applying for an NUS Law degree. But I think that the reasons given above are very narrow-minded and silly. I understand that some are facing pressures from parents etc, and maybe I don’t understand, but it just seems like such a waste, both for the applicants themselves, those who don’t get in because of such people who apply but have no inclination towards to subject, and the resources spent to educate those who have no interest in the subject.
After all, grades are not everything. You make what you want of a degree…
Unis have just gotten more complicated and yet so much clearer at the same time.
Today ended up being a good day. From “mun-yat” to a Swensen’s dinner. From a long walk that seemed to pass really fast to noodle fights in the pool. :) It’s been a good day.
I once told a friend that “things always get better”. I must confess that I don’t follow that much nowadays. But it is true…
And today, during my Quiet Time, I cried out to God to make His will clear and to solve these problems, to take away all this pressure. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. Truly, He is faithful.
I hate this feeling of doubt. I hate how I don’t know what to do. I hate how now I see how much there is for me if I stay. I hate not knowing…
I wish that I was just strong-headed and firm on really going overseas. But now I just don’t know. Whatever excitement I had has just been fizzling away.
It’s no one’s fault but mine.
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