I can’t explain it… Can’t explain how I feel.
Everyone (or so it seems) will be going away in July or August. I’m expecting to visit the airport at least 3 times. In case you didn’t know, I hate goodbyes. No, that’s wrong, I detest goodbyes with every fibre of my being. I never know what to do, I try to smile because I know that they’re going to have a great time, and yet, I want to cry, ‘cos I’m gonna miss them, but I can’t cry because I try to never ever cry in public (Wow, that was a long sentence).
I hate goodbyes because the realist keeps telling me that it’s probably a goodbye to the friendship that we have now. We’ll probably still keep in touch, but we’ll be so apart, living such different lives that surely our friendship will not remain as it is now.
A voice in the back of my head keeps telling me, “Aren’t you going to be missing out on this wonderful overseas education that you surely can’t get in NUS?”
“Weren’t you looking forward to SOAS?”
“You’ll never know what you missed…”
Sze and I decided the other day that we want to stay at home. That it was only coming to AC that made us think that an overseas education was much better. When we were in SMSS, it never really made such a big deal, and our other JC friends don’t seem that bothered about going to “such and such a school is goodness knows where”.
I just wish that the voice would go away. I wish that I would believe more strongly in what Weej said the other night, “NUS has a lot of things to do too”. I know, I’ve been hyped up about debate, USP, VCF and the works. But I wonder whether I’m doing all these things to try and escape the fact that I would have been in another university.
It’s tiring, this issue of having to stick by your guns when everyone else seems to be having a better time.
It’s hard just trying to be principled when everyone else is leaving and you just wish that it was you waving goodbye at the airport, instead of being the one who stands on the other side of the glass, straining to catch a last glimpse of a friend.
But you know what? It’s absolutely exhausting to be battling uncertainties and fears. Most of all, the uncertainty that you’re letting God down by not trusting in His will, His good and perfect will.
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April 6, 2008 at 10:04 am
sze
thanks for the brunch/talk that day.. it was truly good to sit down and have an actual conversation haha after eons really..
well, my friend farewells are hard but inevitable. :/
and it’s not only about being principled or sticking to your guns, i think it’s also a lot about having/doing everything in its time.. sometimes the ‘good’ things, as we all know, need more time and maturity before one can truly enjoy and appreciate it :)
anyway i expect to see you on the other side of that glass panel in a few years .. :P
cheerup dear! :) and i’m always here for you. heh
April 6, 2008 at 6:04 pm
~autolycus
well, bro went to cambridge and sis went to edinburgh and all i got was nus… *grin* and you know what? it’s been really hard trying to persuade them that they got better deals.
April 6, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Jiesheng
Well yes there’s always a parting point in life, like when I didn’t fufil the last two years of education in the ACSian world, like I didn’t choose this or that….
But frankly seeing all overseas and back home, i’ll say one thing: SG students aren’t prepared for British Political Science. You can prepare for it, but you’ll never be ready for it. More about it in a future entry. (It’s not to justify staying or leaving but just a thought)
PS: AC, your sister studied at Edingburgh? Wow.
April 7, 2008 at 11:43 am
liz
you know, i think we can never be completely 100% certain what He wants, that’s what faith is for. faith isn’t walking out knowing what will happen, it’s knowing that regardless of what WILL happen, we can put our trust in the very nature of God. that He’s unchanging, and always always good.
i love you dear (: things don’t just happen, He’s got us in the palm of His hand. He is still in control, especially when we think we are in control. hurh (: HUGS.
April 7, 2008 at 11:52 pm
dil
paah!
:(
April 8, 2008 at 9:05 am
LAURRRRAAAAAAAAH
I luff you Becca. You know that right!! AT LEAST WE MIGHT BE IN THE SAME SCHOOL AGAIN?!?! HOPEFULLY IN THE SAME FACULTY?! And are you planning to stay in the hostels because I am and it would be rad.
April 11, 2008 at 10:38 pm
billi
Its always more fun to leave people behind than to be left behind… which is one of the reasons why i applied to nus despite getting into a very good local uni in my country (called nsu, haha). if u knew how much i want to get into nus! but i suppose nus is your nsu… i was quite content with staying back home till all my friends left… lol… its not just that the quality of education will be better in the overseas one, but there is the whole issue of finding out whether you’re adult enough to take care of yourself, and what it feels like to be independent for the first time; and going to a new place is always an adventure, and you can feel restless staying in the same place and seeing the same people all the time.
i’m obviously not going to be as helpful as all the others who posted before me, huh? i’m not being at all comforting! :p just sympathetic…
April 13, 2008 at 3:51 am
galoisien
Say … what’s the financial aid at NUS like …
UVA meets 100% need — in the sense I might still have to take over 22k (USD! Although the greenback’s getting weaker) of loans per year …
April 13, 2008 at 4:26 am
galoisien
“well, bro went to cambridge and sis went to edinburgh and all i got was nus… *grin* and you know what? it’s been really hard trying to persuade them that they got better deals.”
Indeed, my eyes are gouging themselves looking at the cost of graduate school … especially since the financial aid is far less generous … a year ago I wouldn’t have thought this, but it’s my belief that after achieving a certain critical standard (which NUS definitely fulfills) the marginal cost (of not accepting a full ride or a near-full ride) outweighs any marginal benefit of a more prestigious institution.
One thing I have to commend the SG government for is their exceptional fiscal management. The tuition for international students in SG is cheaper than the in-state tuition here! While the regime gives such generous grants and turns billions of dollars in surplus, the US government can only give a max Pell grant of 5k per year and it runs a deficit that’s 10% of it’s budget, and a public debt twice of that.
One thing I didn’t like was that the “final results” deadline stipulated for US HS diploma holders is months before diplomas get released … otherwise I might actually have applied this year. A question: when they say a 2100 SAT makes for a “competitive application,” does a “competitive application” mean you will most likely get in, or is it in the American sense of the word, where your application can be competitive but you will still have a 75% chance of rejection? I’m just wondering because asking a 2100+ is the 97th percentile or higher in the US, and if that’s the minimum, it makes me wonder what the mid 50% SAT range for NUS is (for those who submit scores).
April 13, 2008 at 5:05 pm
billi
Well, I suppose the meaning of competitive varies from year to year according to the number and quality of applicants…
April 14, 2008 at 1:21 am
galoisien
Indeed, but does anyone know what the acceptance rate and 25th-75th percentile SAT range for NUS is?
April 14, 2008 at 3:07 pm
dil
galoisien – http://www.nus.edu.sg/oam/apply/catd/#SAT
as far as i know, SAT for NUS admissions doesn’t work exactly the same way as US colleges do..
April 15, 2008 at 4:18 pm
rachel
Hey becca, just chanced over your blog. I share some of your sentiments esp. about the hype on overseas education. Sure an overseas education sounds great and fun, but to me its just university. Its an important milestone but in the whole scheme of things, your life is going to more than that. I hope. God bless on your present Uni applications.
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