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So I failed my first attempt which really sucks. So just make a mental note to never run an amber light when in doubt, even though it looks like the truck behind you might just rear-end you. Plus, don’t let your ego make you complacent. I could happily blame the tester (Who I had been warned about because he’s the strictest tester), but I know that the fault lies with me. I had 14 points (and would have passed) if not for the amber light at the last junction.
Gotta move on, I guess. Pick up my bruised ego (not that much damage to it anyway) and sit for the next test in July.
Hohum… Just rather sian.
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I’ve been surprised as to how little some of my friends have changed in the course of two years or so. Have I changed?
Also, I’m thankful that I now have strong, Christian friends, something I never had while in St. Marg’s.
I remember once scolding a friend for rushing out into the rain and getting soaked to the skin on the day of an IB exam. He’d gone out to walk a girl in from the bus stop. I also remember him borrowing my camera on the last day of school and returning it back to me with pictures of him and the girl in its memory. I remember teasing him incessantly and his sheepish, yet triumphant and satisfied smile. I remember him telling me that he had finally told her about him liking her and how he would wait for her.
Such commitment and adoration.
This week, he told me that she hadn’t waited for him.
Oh how life moves on. We wait, but others don’t.
I want to apologise.
In my arrogance, I have boasted and placed myself on a pedestal about this seemingly “noble” and “selfless” decision not to go overseas and to work in an NGO in the future. I have gone on and on about it, refusing to see that I was boasting about my supposed “righteousness”, while I scoffed at those who went overseas or did degrees that were to fulfill ambitions.
I was and am in no such position to do so. And so, I shall remain silent about my future, or if need be, speak sparingly and with great caution.
I thought that I was the widow giving her two copper pennies, but I was really a hypocrite in the synagogue .
Apparently the MFA wasn’t that turned off by my audacity.
And I’m definitely staying now. :) Independent Study Modules here I come! HAHA.
Praise God! :)
People have asked me if I’ll have regrets when I start at NUS, whether I’ll regret giving up the chance to pursue my undergraduate studies overseas.
For once, after my MFA interview, I was sure. I’m not going to regret it.
You know? People asked me whether my decision to stay local was influenced by David and a fear of the high possibility of a relationship not working out because of the physical distance. I thought about it and spent much time questioning my motives for staying. I realised that if I went and we broke up, I would regret going overseas because there’d be the possibility that if I stayed, we’d have worked out. But if I stayed and we broke up, then I’d regret not going overseas. In short, if we broke up, I’d have regrets no matter where I went.
In the same way, if I do badly, I’ll have regrets. Regrets rise from not doing your best and fulfilling what you know God has called you to.
Dennis asked me if I could stand living for 4 years with the fact that I passed up an opportunity to study overseas. But then, could I stand living with myself knowing that I was a poor steward of a quarter of a million dollars?
Some see red when others seem to be spending their money without thought. I know a mentor of mine does (see red, I mean). Admittedly, I’ve tried my best to communicate my thoughts to my friends and through this blog. I don’t want to impose it on anyone as the be all and end all. I do recognise that we each have our own resources and different ideas of what good stewardship is. But I do hope that everyone I know who is going overseas is sure that this is the best option for them, and for the money to be used as best as it can, regardless of where or who it comes from.
What I fear is seeing fellow Christians going overseas without any thought, simply because it’s prestigious and a pressure placed on them by family, friends, school and society. And to me, I see quite a few of them.
As for me, no reserves, no retreats, no regrets.
During today’s MFA interview, I was asked a wide variety of questions.
“Was studying Chinese hard?”
“Why don’t you want to work for the British Foreign Service?”
“Won’t you be constricting yourself with a bond from the MFA if you want to go to NUS?”
“So does that mean that you disagree with parts of the UN Charter like the sovereignity of countries and the right to self-determination?”
“Are you a bleeding heart?”
And I gave a wide variety of answers too. Most of which I felt were unsatisfactory, i.e. unable to answer the question as I should, too convoluted, not answering the question etc.
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I had two resounding “yes”es to their questions today:
“So can you answer the question that you refused to answer directly earlier? Do you think that Singapore should boycott the Olympics?”
Bang, bang. Shot myself.
“So if we offer you a scholarship to study overseas, will you turn it down?”
Bang, bang. I’m dead.
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But I must say that I am amused with my audacity.
I remind myself of the French to wore red and gold uniforms to war.
But you know something?
I was sincere and truthful.
I hope that counts for something.
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And as I told my Dad about my interview, he told me about William Borden. Truly, the stuff of inspiration.
This is the best version that I’ve ever heard, better than Sinatra and Buble.
I first heard this song on Love’s Labour Lost. But Astaire’s version is so much better. :)
Why do things have to get more complicated just as I thought they were getting clearer, with accepting NUS and rejecting SOAS?
I’ve just been told that I’m invited to go for the MFA first round interview and am still being considered for PSC. While I’d like to work for the MFA, they want their scholars to go overseas. To tell them that I want to stay in Singapore would seriously weaken my case for a scholarship, apparently.
Many would jump at the chance, and I must admit that it is extremely tempting.
And then, as I sat here, I heard an Audi A4 ad. It said, “These are my principles, so I will stick by them.”
I will tell the truth on Tuesday. I will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so God help me. I’ll need lots of help.
When I told Daryl that I was thinking of writing a history essay earlier this year, he called me crazy.
I haven’t gotten round to it yet, but am going to start doing research on the person of General Arthur Percival. I distinctly remember a History textbook (In Sec 2, I think) comparing Yamashita, known as the “tiger” and Percival, known as the “rabbit”. I’ve always wondered if Percival was simply misrepresented by history.
I think I’ll go and find out. :)
Hello National Library, here I come! :)
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