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As you can tell from the title, David and I watched two WWII movies this week. I’m not sure that The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas was based on a true story but well… it doesn’t really matter.
One had heroism (albeit heroism in vain) and the other just had despair.
We came out of both movies rather depressed and realised that unlike watching chick flicks where the girl always gets the guy or superhero movies where the hero always saves the day, real life and real life events are never like that (we did realise that after watching Changeling too).
But you sit back and you realise that the world isn’t as rosy as you would have it be, that people aren’t as good as we would believe they are, that happy endings don’t always happen (at least on this side of eternity).
One wonders how someone could be so capable of destruction, so capable of madness, so capable of causing harm, so ignorant and so uncaring. Then, if you look deep into yourself, you panic because you realise that you too are probably capable of all that too.
Maybe we don’t put people into gas chambers and conduct mass extermination on the ruse of bettering the fatherland, but we cut people down with words, we deceive others, we smile when we really don’t like the other person, we backstab. We’re pretty horrible people when we do some self-examination.
But something about these movies always stands out. In the face of all this evil, there is always someone who stands up for what is good, someone who is heroic or just plain innocently good. It may be in vain, but it gives us hope. It gives us hope that in the darkest of times, that there is somehow hope for mankind. Their courage, goodness and sense of justice give us something to admire, something to learn from. They may have died in the process and their efforts may have been futile, but the goodness that we see in them gives us something to hold on to.
We are made in the image of God. We have the capability for goodness. Yet, there is a duality about us. We are fallen and we are capable of immense evil. Does the darkness always triumph? We’d like to believe that it won’t (and certainly not over us).
I keep having to check this innate urge to destroy something or someone (not literally kill or destroy something). The number of times that I have to check myself tends to depress me. But then, I begin to realise that it is not by my own strength that the darkness is overcome, and that the victory is mine. That’s when I realise that I am not my own… There is something far greater at work in me…
I know that it seems strange (it does to me too) that I would understand what you’re going through. Sometimes you wonder whether you’d be happy knowing, but then is ignorance bliss? I used to believe that knowing was better, that certainty was always better than uncertainty. But yesterday, I didn’t know.
It’s hard to pick up again. It always is. Sometimes it takes 2 months, sometimes 2 years. Sometimes someone or something comes along and picks you up. Other times, you just sit there and wait.
But one thing I know, you do heal. You do…
So David and I have been going out for two years (as of yesterday). I’m not entirely sure what to say because it’s been amazing and I feel like I can’t really do justice to it, especially on a public domain. It’s been a long journey and a hard one too, but ultimately, I’m glad that we’ve gotten to where we are today. (:
Sometimes, I just sit back and take account of my life as it is. I know that it sounds corny, but I realise how blessed I am.
In church, my Youth Group helps a family from the Dover area. The church provides them with financial aid and our YG acts as a liason and a “human face”. We talk to them and find out what they need. Sometimes, the kids don’t have enough money for the bus ride home from school, so they have to walk home instead of taking the half an hour bus ride. The family can’t afford fees for kindergarten. The mother is trying to upgrade her skills, but she doesn’t have a laptop to help her in her course.
Sometimes, I just wonder what I did to deserve the life I have. I worry about my grades, about my coaching, about debate, my friends, whether I’m accepted etc. And then, find myself catching myself and realising how truly blessed I am.
People ask me what I want to do with my life. They ask me why I want to work in an NGO and tell me that there is very little money involved. Truthfully, sometimes I wish that I could live in a nice terraced house with dogs, a nice car, a huge library etc. I walk along Watten Estate and Mount Sinai and admire all these houses. In fact, I look from my window and admire the scenery and facilities. I find myself wanting that kind of comfortable life.
But in moments when I meet others. Sheesh, even when I see them on the news, I sit up. Ask me why I want to work in an NGO, and I’ll tell you that there’s no place that I’d rather be.
If I have learnt one thing these past two years, it’d be the realisation of my utter inadequacy. Oftentimes, I have tried to make people happy, hoping that somehow that would keep them satisfied.
Without fail, the satisfaction and/or happiness would not last. Emotions are fleeting and so are the circumstances that we base our happiness on.
I’ve ended up trying to be a broken cistern, and it’s tiring. I have realised that nothing I can do can ever bring lasting contentment or satisfaction.
And so, what lesson have I learnt? I’ve learnt that relationships are about pointing the other to the spring of living water, not to yourself. That, my friend, is the key.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9
So it’s a new semester, well, a month into the new semester. I haven’t been blogging for a prolonged period of time. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about. It’s just that I’ve been caught up with stuff and I just don’t have much motivation to write.
Recently, I’ve been struck about the need to be a shining light. A couple of weeks, a friend was arguing against progressive taxes and the argument ended being about whether the rich ought to be helping the poor. Last week, another friend was asking for wisdom. The more I encounter such situations, the more I realise that God has put me in debate for more that debate and the opportunity to get to know more people.
Yesterday, a couple of my friends were talking about teams for the upcoming competitions. To be honest, I felt rather demoralised because I realised that I wouldn’t be at the top of anybody’s list to team up with. I’m quite aware that I’m not a very good debater and what frustrates me is that it doesn’t seem like I’m improving. I just keep going. I don’t want to be another admin person or adjudicator in debates. I don’t want to be booking plane tickets for others and not myself.
But I need to remember that my calling is for something far better than this. If I seek first the kingdom, all that is needed will be added to me, even if that isn’t an ability to wow the crowds, it’ll be far greater than I can ever imagine.
As a side note, I really need to start work. I can’t wait to gain momentum or motivation, I’ve just got to start.
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